Your Sexually Addicted Spouse
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  • New Horizon Press, September 2009
  • Paperback
  • ISBN 13: 978-0-88282-309-6
  • Since its publication, Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal (Steffens & Means, 2009) has been instrumental in shaping an alternative model for helping partners - one which views the partner as someone who has experienced a life-altering traumatic event and not as a co-addict or “part of the problem.”

    Now in its second printing, the book is widely read by mental health professionals who use it in their practices and recommend it to patients. Partners in the United States and around the world who have read Your Sexually Addicted Spouse express feeling “heard” for the very first time by someone in the sex addiction field.

    “My co-author, Marsha Means, and I say that we did not choose our life’s work, it chose us. That being said, it is our personal experience and my research, which is forging how partners of addicts are served through treatment and support.

    • Throughout the book, we provide firsthand accounts and stories from partners that reveal the impact of this addiction on their lives.
    • Each chapter ends with a section called “On a Personal Note” that asks a question and proposes new paths that lead from trauma to empowerment, health, and hope.
    • Useful appendices list health and mental health care providers and clergy.


    “This sensible and authoritative guide will serve as a comforting source for those with a sexually addicted partner and as a resourceful approach for counselors.”

    - Antoinette Brinkman, Library Journal (August 2009)

    “Given its wide range, what is so remarkable about this concise book is that it also devotes a great deal of time toward healing. This is a difficult and, in our society, often mortifying subject, but the authors are clearly on the side of the addict’s spouse. The message: the addiction is not the spouse’s fault, just a great part of their problem. This distinction is often the first step back to wholeness, whether with the addicted partner, or courageously alone. Your Sexually Addicted Spouse is a highly readable and important book for our times. For some families it will be a survival manual.”

    - Read the complete review at ForeWord Reviews (December 2009)

    "Addictions aren't always to drugs, but they are devastating all the same. "Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal" discusses sexual addictions - in the matter of pornography, use and abuse, among other issues - from the perspective of the spouse, who may or may not be a victim in the matter. With much support and help, "Your Sexually Addicted Spouse" may be the inspiration many need to move on with their lives after the pain."

    - Midwest Book Review